


We All Rust (Some Sooner than Others)

by rainingWolf



Category: Chronicles of Narnia (Movies), Chronicles of Narnia - All Media Types, Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis
Genre: Angst, Crisis of Faith, Doubt, F/M, Gen, Golden Age (Narnia), Having Faith, Loss of Faith, Romance, Spiritual, religious, silver court
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-23 19:51:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18156293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainingWolf/pseuds/rainingWolf
Summary: She was at the window, dazzling sunlight beaming and lighting her from the inside out, and the only thing Caspian could think at that moment was that she was beautiful. Beautiful, but sad.// fourth installment to the Silver Court saga in collaboration with author Sealure.Links provided inside.





	We All Rust (Some Sooner than Others)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Shimmers of Silver](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/465644) by Sealure. 



> This is the fourth installment to the Silver Court Saga
> 
> 1\. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12898150/1/We-Are-Not-Children-We-Haven-t-Been-For-Years (by Sealure)
> 
> 2\. https://archiveofourown.org/works/15688071  
> OR   
> https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13035503/1/Glints-of-Gold (by rainingWolf)
> 
> 3\. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13071126/1/Shimmers-of-Silver (by Sealure)

_[Caspian looked back at them for a long moment before Cornelius led him away- Peter, clinging to his youngest two siblings like they were going to disappear._

_Edmund, one arm around Peter's waist, the other in Lucy's hair, his face still as white as snow._

_Lucy, her fingers twisting in the fabric of her brothers' tunics so tightly her knuckles were turning white, trembling from head to foot._

_Susan, weeping brokenly beneath the carved visage of the Lion, alone._

_Caspian swallowed hard, a tight feeling pulling at his heart._

_He turned and followed his tutor away from the Table Chamber._

_The Silver Court was over._

_All they could do was try to pick up the broken pieces and fit them back together again.]_

_~Ending of 'Shimmers of Silver' by Sealure_

* * *

Everything had changed since the Silver Court.

Everything had also stayed the same.

Peter and Edmund still bickered. Lucy still babbled. Susan still beamed.

Life went on.

But it really didn't and Caspian was sure that he wasn't the only one who noticed. After all, they were living together in the crevices of rocks like secrets upon secrets layered on top. Something had to give.

In the war room, Peter and Edmund bickered of things that someone their age should not know. Of fire. Of steel. Of blood. Of terrible things that happened long past but were still happening now. They all pretended not to see the Kings' hard hard grip on their swords.

In the eating area, Lucy babbled of things that someone her age should not know. Of light. Of dark. Of ancient druids and wise spirits that had once graced this land but they dwell no longer. They all pretended not to see the Queen's far far eyes that look beyond.

And in the Table Chamber where everything had come undone, they all pretended not to see Susan's gentle weeping. They all pretended not to see the Queen's sad sad face.

Life didn't really go on.

Caspian found her one day but perhaps found wasn't exactly the right word. He had been aware of her ever since he first saw her and it had been like he had never really breathed until that very moment when he saw her on that path. She had shone like the sun atop that ridge where everything came together and he knew it was cliche when he had to compare her to the sun when the sun paled in comparison next to her. Aslan provided. Surely, their encounter could not be a mistake when she had lowered her bow first.

Peter and Edmund had followed suit but not because they trusted him. They trusted their sister.

And it was that trust that brought him to these steps, this hall, this room where Susan stood. She was at the window, dazzling sunlight beaming and lighting her from the inside out, and the only thing Caspian could think at that moment was that she was beautiful. Beautiful, but sad.

They were alone. He wondered if he should be here now when Susan refused to look at him, only outwards towards the green.

As he stepped up next to her, he could hear swords clanging against one another and when he looked out, he saw Peter and Edmund dueling with Lucy at their side, watching with gleaming eyes. It was just practice for what was to come but Susan must be seeing something different for she licked her lips, her knuckles white as her hands gripped the windowsill.

"We'll leave you one day," Susan said. "You must know we cannot stay forever."

Caspian shrugged one shoulder. "I believe in Aslan. If He wishes us to be apart, He would not have gathered us here."

"And you think you know His will?" Susan moved for the first time since they were together and it was more action than Caspian had expected; he flinched back before steadying himself. The Queen didn't miss a beat as she pinned him with a flinty look. "Remember, He is not a _tame_ Lion."

Caspian struggled for words and suddenly, abruptly, he's reminded that he may be a Prince but she was a Queen.

"You think you know Him? You think He brought us back to stay? To be here forever?" Susan's tilted her chin out the open window to below; Caspian heard laughter but it sounded too distant for him to understand. "My other siblings are not like me. They do not think of the beyond. Of the future. They only think of the past. They do not see like I do."

She turned away from the green below and laughed; it was as gentle as her moniker but Caspian understood the undercurrent of it all. Susan was different. But that did not mean she had to suffer alone.

"Then try them. They are not so weak that they will not understand your position." He pointedly gave her a look from her shoes to her waist to her exposed neck.

"And what is it that you understand? You think because of our… attraction that you know? How I yearn for home? How I yearn for those grey gloomy clouds that promise rain? How I yearn for the slow toll of the bell that promise day's end? How I yearn for my parents and homeland the way the others do not?" She paused, voice still gentle, face still sad, language still beautiful, before continuing. "How can you tell me that they will understand when they blindly trust in Him?"

Caspian choked. "Are you the one who's blind? Did you not see the Silver Court? You were _there_. How can you say they are the blind ones?"

Susan paled despite herself, turning from him and back towards the open view.

"You cannot fathom the world beyond Narnia. But I have seen, Caspian. There is more to life than this." Her hands were back on the windowsill and for a blind moment, it looked like she was going to go over and into the open air. "You have not seen true war. How can you then abide to Him and trust in Him when you are in the situation you are now. You of all people should have doubts."

Caspian paused behind her, thinking of the words he could say, ones that could burn her like the way His Spirit had done so many days ago in the Silver Court. But he chose better ones. Gentler ones.

"Just because those things happened to me doesn't mean I don't believe in Him or don't trust Him. If anything, it made me believe in Him more." His hand came up despite himself to her face. She was trembling but maybe it was him; he's no longer sure and he had no desire to know. "How can I not when all that has happened and yet, you stand before me?"

She was cold to the touch. "One day, I'll leave you, you know."

"And until that time comes, I don't see why we must dwell on anything but the present. He will answer all questions in due time." His other hand snaked around her waist, pulling her closer to him; she did not resist and instead, rested against his chest.

Her voice was small. "How can you be so sure?"

His answer was instant. "Because He told me."

And all of a sudden, Caspian was back at the Table Chamber, back where it all started with a voice that was fire and ice and rage. The voice that was like the night and the storm in the heart of the sun. It had been ancient and forever, both breathtaking and dreadful all at once.

The voice had said _courage, my child. Courage. I am with you still._

He blinked and the Table Chamber was gone. All that was left was the warmth he felt that day and he realized with a start that Susan was that same warmth, guiding him back to reality. He looked down below and he felt her follow his gaze towards his siblings; Peter and Edmund had collapsed, laughing, while Lucy ran to pile up on top of them, her giggles loud and clear.

"We must believe in Him. If not for Him, what do we have left?"

"But what if-" Susan said breathlessly. "What if-"

"Yes," Caspian whispered as the sun hug the land and in the distance, he heard a Lion's roar. "What if?"

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> \- I wanted this to be an exploration to Susan's dawning realization that she may not believe in Aslan as wholeheartedly as the others. Her faith is wavering and she is questioning whether she can follow Aslan's judgement as clearly as the others.
> 
> \- Hope it makes sense and that you enjoy this!
> 
> \- Reviews are much appreciated. Thank you!


End file.
